confession #1

Im still in "love" with you. And i miss you.

Always

I've always loved you. Always have and always will.

Still..

Why do i feel this way? I cant stop thinkin about what we been through.
I never did you worng. Never cheated Nor never hit you.
The only thing was my insecurities and jealousy.
But I'm past all that.
I seen what I've put you through but still you wont give us another try.
After all we've done Almost everything with eachother.
Fed ducks, random lunch and dinner dates.
Chillin all day with each other, didnt matter
if we were out or just hangingout watching movies and
playing with the kids at your house. We took the kids out
like they were our own. Took them to the park, chuck e cheese,
mall play ground and jelly belly. I love your siblings
as if they were my own and i still do.
I miss going to family parties with you hanging out and having fun.
Your parents let you take me everywhere with you guys.
Frisco, Daly City, half moon bay everywhere. I got along with
your parents as you got along with mines.
Why did i let something so simple for me to do push you away?
So far away?
Now that its almost November i just cant stop reminiscing
the holidays with had with eachother. Thanksgiving with my
family and then with yours. Remember last year in December?
Eating dinner in Sac then Ice skating outside?
That was something i liked about you.
You really know how to plan things.
Then Christmas came along and i was at your
families house opening presents with you guys and your auntie
got me a gift card. I was surprised when she gave it to me.
Then it was New Years. We were at your Uncles
house playing with the kids and just enjoying eachothers company.
But i had to leave before 12 cause my parents.
We never really had a New Years kiss.
Wish i still had a chance.
I know i promised you i was gonna change.
But guess what? i did. Its never too late to change.
theres just so many memories we had i just cant seem to forget them.
All the stuff you got me i still have.
Posters and pictures and cards i still have them under my bed.
I cant let something go like that. I thought we had something.
I dont know why but im still holding on.
I mis holding your hand, kissing your lips, hearing "LOVE YOU" from you.
Just everything about you i miss.
I stopped wishing and praying and hoping for you the come back.
But im just waiting till the day you forget about me.
I got to confess i still wear the stuff you got me.
I dont know why im writing about this.
Its just one of those nights where i just think about you.
Not gonna front i miss you and i still love you.
Haven't stopped yet...

Motivation.

"Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it."

- Michael Jordan

slap of the week..

Oldie

Friday.

SACBOUND the whole day.
Chilled at my FRIENDS house and nap. haha
Got home at 12.
Then stopped by WOWIES house.
Everyone was ripped hahaha.
Nigga kept asking for a kiss from this chick haha.
i wanna go back cause shit was HILARIOUS.
Now time for late night texts.
Oh and i miss my "SHAWTY."
She forgot about me =/

MANN I MISS THESE KIDS!!!

SHAWTYYYY.

My Week

Why is it so damn hot?!
well the week was great.
-Work
-chill with friend
-Mini golf with friend
-Whooped Hoopstar in 1 on 1.
-Lost to a 12 year old in knock out.
-Baked cupcakes.
-Sharks vs. Whackwidit. (L)
-had a fanclub there to watch me. hahaha.
-Church
-about to hop at 6.
-Hopefully get to see my friend at crystal=)

GOOD WEEK.

-Monday: Chill with friends.
-Tuesday: Hangout with FAVE.
-Played COD4 and 2K9 with her.
-Wensday: Watch the ORPHAN.
-Thursday: Ichat with new friend and laugh our heads off all night.
-Saturday:FFABL Chargers vs Mini drive. Loss by 1.
-FFABL Sharks ve Lawin. Loss by 20 =X.
-Sunday: Played basketball at crystal.
-finally actually met NEW FRIEND.
-Movie at home with FAVE.

I say it was a good week.

This is what i do at work.

GooddLIFE

Life's been going good.
-Hanging out with old friends.
-Met a new friend (who knows her sports.
-My money has been pringling.(that means stack)
-NFL fantasy started.
-FFABL starts this SATURDAY.
-Playing for two teams.(Chargers and Sharks.)
-No negativity cause don't have time for it.
-Ready for school.
-FOCUSED.
-Just got cut up.
-Waiting till 8ish so i can go to Vallejo.
-See little bro.
-Chill with a friend.
-Lets have another good day today.


"A lot of people saying FUCK ME, problem is they be telling everybody BUT ME."

BOSS LADY

Trey Songz

"Sittin patient steady waitin, for the day when I can face it."

No title

How can someone you loved be so mean to you?
What did I do to be treated like this?
Is loving someone a crime now?
Did i sign up for this when i said i LOVE you?
Is PROMISE just a word?
I guess they were made to be broken.
Life isn't always a fairytale.
Life can be cruel and all you can do is keep living.
I admit that i was wrong for being insecure and jealous.
But isn't that what couples do?
They learn to love and grow each other and get pass it.
There's no such thing as a perfect BF or a perfect GF.
No ones perfect.
Everyone will have there mistakes and flaws.
The only thing they can do is fix the mistakes and
work out their issues.
Its simple.
People just need to look past them and see the NEW you.
But how can you do that if they don't give you a chance?
They just go back to the past and hold a grudge?
Is LOVE just a word to say and play around with?
Does it not mean anything anymore?
I thought love was suppose to be kind and not rude?
How can you lose LOVE?
Is it that easy to just throw away and forget?
So many questions on my head in my head that needs some answers.

anticipation

how do you fix a love undone? how you even know if u fit to love someone, and when you decide to take that ride, can you drive on the passenger side? one wheel in the middle, 4 hands on it, 2 sets of brakes you decide to slam on it. god damn women were the love go? -trey songz

GOOD day today.
- Church.
- Seen a GORGEOUS girl.
She was wearing a charcoal gray and black dress/purplish cardigan sweater.
Brown highlights in her hair. Best word to describe her.
"GORGEOUS"
- Ate AppleBees with the BROS.
-Nice talking to HERRR=)
-Wish we can finally just hangout and just chill. No tensions.
Just wanna CHILL. miss those good ol' days.
- Took a nice nap.
-Played basketball at J.Rs house.
-Heard gunshots and almost got shot at Longspur.

Sunday.

Getting ready for church listening to Maxwell.
Goin to church with the Christian.
Then shoppin. MAYBE? haha

ill be ready.

If she ever does come back to me.
I'll be ready. She'll have the guy
she deserves and know i can be.
i just gotta let god hold my faith.
Just keep praying and growing.
So if the day does come then we would make
it last and not regret anything.
But if it doesn't come then I dont know.
Just thank her for the experience and time
we had? I dont know? but ima think positive things.
No more jealousy and no more insecurities and better
TRUST foundation.

Decisions

So i decided to let it go.
They say "If you really love someone then you have to let em go"Im not gonna it kinda
feels good to let go. Cause it gives me closure and shows
how much I love her.
Im just glad she's happy right now.
She's doing her own thing and being MISS INDEPENDENT. Im proud of her.
She'll always have a place in my heart.

Ouch.

No kinda love tonight. I thought things were cool
between us. Guess not. I dont know what to do.
To move on? or to wait and be patient?
Im so lost right now.

So today I went to church at 1030. Got out and before
I drove home I stopped by HERRR=) car and put a rose
on the windshield. I thought it woulda put a smile on her face
today, prolly needed one.
But not even a thank you from her. I even apologize for doing itand all
she said was "its ok, it was nice". I guess thats good enough
cause i cant ask for too much. Then I text her "Good night"
and i got no love back. "REJECTED"
Really though I don't know what to do. I've been praying
everyday and every night that god gives me a sign or just
help me move on. Maybe he already gave me a sign but I'm
just not seeing it.
They say "If you really LOVE someone then keep fighting for it."
But sometimes it feels like its not worth it.

I just want to thank her for the break up. The break up was a
good idea, because it helped me realized what i was doing. It
also helped me learn and grow. I was stupid and blind to
see that i had something special. But i fucked up I know i fucked up,
I admit I fucked up. But everybody fucks up.
Now I'm here thinking about what could of been.
I messed up a blessing.
But now she's gone and there aint no telling if she's coming back.
All I can do is be patient and wait.
I just hope she's knows that I'm really sorry for the way i treated her and
acted.
I promise that If I do get that chance to be with her again then it would be different,
much different.
No more insecurities, a better TRUST foundation and a BETTERMAN.
But its probably too late.
Well that is all for now. Probably write more about how i feel
tomorrow.

July 4th 2008

"Insecurity is the leading cause of death in a relationship."

SET.

SETTING GOALS.

-FOCUS on school. nothing lower than a B.

-SAVE money. cut back on eating out.

-GET my mindset. no more F*ckin up.

-BE a better MAN. time to MATURE.

-GO to church. EVERY SUNDAY.NO EXCUSE.

-PRAY.


yeah that sounds bout right.

nobody knows it but me

How blue can I get?
You could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
Billion words couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now you know I'll be loving you still

ANOTHER PLAYOFF LOSS

Well another tough loss.

i think we deserved it this season but

we didnt have everybody..

Missing Kimo and JR.

Need to clear my mind.

Wish SHE was here to help keep my head up.

i hate this part

i hate this part of a relationship. The part where you have to say goodbye..
I was never good with goodbyes.
They hurt cause you don't want to say it but you have
to cause the other person doesn't feel the same as you do anymore.
The love is gone and nothings gonna change it,
you just gotta respect their decision and just move on.
But what if you don't wanna move on? Then what?

My situation is she wants some space and time to be independent
and I don't wanna let anything go but she does? So what do i do?
should i stop fighting for it and just move on or should keep
holding on to it until she comes back to me?
See LOVE sometimes doesn't go the way you plan.
Sometimes it just not fair.
I just need some help and advice to what to do cause i so lost right now.
AND Im not gonna lie Im hurting so bad cause I never did anything wrong to her..
I guess I just loved her too much.
But i now it sounds crazy but Im not giving up.
We've been through so much we cant just throw it all away.
All i can do is be patient and pray that one day time
will come when we get back together.
While I gotta learn to grow and learn from the
mistakes i made while in the relationship.

wish we can go back

wish we can go back to where it used to be

Pleasure P- Rock Bottom (on repeat)

"When we hooked up 
We sat down made an agreement 
We vowed that we would always be 
Together through whatever 
We say that no one would eva 
Come between us 
Said we would never ever leave us 
That was a while ago 
But its like lately 
It feels like 
I mean I feel like 
All we do is fight 
And every single night 
We can't get it tight 
We can't get it right 
I just wanta go back 
Take it way back 
All the way back 
Start again do it over 
Can we straighten it out 
Can we work it out 
Cause I don't want be without 
(you you you and I just can't hit rock bottom over you) "

CHARGERSSSS

Man o man what a game yesterday.. So we played the team that 

we lost to in the playoffs last season and i had one of the

best games. Scored 21 points and had 7 assist..

Feels good to be helping my team out like that.

Oh on top of that we beat them by 2 77-80 was

the final score. Then this saturday we play

the team Soma. I aint worried about them cause

i know we can beat them.. Tryna get off the game too.

Cant wait till playoffs, its just right around the corner..

GAME is at 9 at crystal middle school this Sat. If anyone

tryna watch..

SATURDAY

You know what that means.. 

Means GAMETIME! whoot whoot.. 

We play Travis, the team we lost to in the playffs last season by one point.. 

But we'll get our revenge.. 

Ima play my heart out tonight..

 After the game there's a party for Andy at AJs house.. 

But i wasnt in invited 

so i dont know if i should.. Eh fack it ima crash it! haha

Dont know what to do

Man its so hot and boring.. I dont know what to do

today. I know i should be studying for my finals

but i have no motivation to do anything. My gf is 

Studying her head off and getting her shit done.

Meaning not much time for me. 

NEW BEGiNNING

Like the title states "New Beginning". hopefully all this 

arguing and fighting goes away soon, cause im 

tired of it. I want to be more lovey dovey with her 

instead of wasting our time fighting with eachother.

I just hope nothing happens that'll make us argue again.

Its fine if her cousin takes her to a club on her 

birthday but i just hope she'd act like a 

girlfriend and not do anything to start an argument

or do anything to hurt this relationship..

I wouldnt mind if she dances with guys but 

theres a thin line between just dancing 

and pleasing someone. i just hope she knows whats

right form wrong.

Cause i really do love her and i dont want this relationship 

to go to waste. 

This LOVE is that type of LOVE.

the type of LOVE that'll make you change yourself 

for the one you care and love for.

trey songs- cheat on you

BASKETBALL is JUST a game.

but sometimes its MORE then that.

MUCH MORE.

CRABBING!

So after the game we went crabbing

BASKETBALL SEASON

Whoot so we won our first game on saturday.
we beat the defeding champs from last season the ROOKIES,
who we also lost to in the our first game last season.
Had a career high 19 points. Helped the team come back
from a 14 point deficit. Man Charger games are CRAZY!
Seems like we're playing in the pros, hella fans
and people watching and cheering.
If you havent gone to a game yet i suggest you do!
You'll see how intense the games are!


well heres a little summary of the game

Class E: Chargers vs. Rookies

The reigning champions, the Rookies, took the floor looking to get a good start in defending their title against a team that made a late surge into the Elite 8 last season. From the outset both teams took a couple of minutes to feel each other out. Call it what you'd like, good defense or sloppy play, but there weren't many points in the first 3-4 minutes as the Rookies led early on 3-2. But the Rookies put an end to that with fluid ball movement around the perimeter finding the open man to hit 3s, and they hit them often en route to shredding the Chargers' 2-3 zone defense and building a 25-12 lead with less than 10 minutes to go in the first half. With the Chargers reeling they called a timeout and switched to a man-to-man defense, where they slowly chipped away at the double digit lead of the Rookies, cutting the deficit down to 10 at the half, 35-25.

In the 2nd half the Rookies tried to re-establish themselves, as well as their lead, and got a quick layup to build their lead back to 12 at 37-25. But the Chargers offense asserted themselves more and made their physicality a presence by repeatedly getting to the basket for a handful of 3-point plays. With both crowds creating an electric atmosphere and the score 49-42 in favor of the Rookies the intensity picked up. A steal on the inbounds by Jackie Cruz made the crowd roar as they could feel the Chargers mounting an improbable comeback against the reigning champs. They moved the ball around the perimeter until they found Jackie in the left wing who netted a 3-pointer to trim the lead down to 4 at 49-45. But the champs responded with a deuce to push the lead back to 6. However the Chargers continued to persevere and scored the next 7 points which concluded by a 3 pointer to give the Chargers their first lead 2-0 at 52-51. But the Rookies would not be deterred as they responded with a 3 of their own to reclaim the lead 54-52. The Chargers tied the game then scored another bucket to take the lead 56-54. A Rookies free throw sliced the lead to 1 and a defensive stop with close to a minute left in the game setup a gamebreaking possession. But a Charger steal converted into a transition layup pushed their lead to 58-55. And with every shot becoming more and more futile the Rookies began to unravel. A few more free throws and final layup in the waning seconds gave the Chargers the win 63-55, also handing the Rookies their very first loss in the Class E division.

Final Score:

Chargers 63

Rookies 55

GAME TIME

YES! finally the season starts tomorrow. hella 

juiced cause we play the defending champions

from last season the ROOKIES.. i dont know

how we lost to them last season but this is

a new season and the CHARGERS are CHARGED

up. HELLA excited we should have a comeback 

season..

SHEEMED!!

damn i just got sheemed. tell me why the guy whos runnin the league
changed it to next week.. dumb-fuck niggah.
damn got me hella juiced too! was ready to run teams with my CHARGERS.
Oh well like my breh Ben said "more time to prepare".
guess more practicing this week. hopefully we hoop at the sports center
and runn them other dudes offf the court.

whoooooo! season officially starts in 5 days!

saturday is the day the league starts.. cant wait been waiting for a month.. 

HAPPY 1 year and 7 months WUBBA=)

our 2nd date when we were single

in JULY hopefully

i wish i can dance like this.. but this is clean though nice little routine good song too

Need to clean my room

HERRR=)

oh yeah and hopefully danelle gets to go to all my games instead of going once a month cause of her dad.. miss hearing her yell WAHLAH! when the other team shoots free throws.. hahahaha

BASKETBALL

cant wait till the spring season starts.. which is on april 18th.. hope we do get to play cause im ready to finish where we left off last season.. we were 1 point away from the final 4.. ughh oh well this should be a good season..