GooddLIFE

Life's been going good.
-Hanging out with old friends.
-Met a new friend (who knows her sports.
-My money has been pringling.(that means stack)
-NFL fantasy started.
-FFABL starts this SATURDAY.
-Playing for two teams.(Chargers and Sharks.)
-No negativity cause don't have time for it.
-Ready for school.
-FOCUSED.
-Just got cut up.
-Waiting till 8ish so i can go to Vallejo.
-See little bro.
-Chill with a friend.
-Lets have another good day today.


"A lot of people saying FUCK ME, problem is they be telling everybody BUT ME."

BOSS LADY

Trey Songz

"Sittin patient steady waitin, for the day when I can face it."

No title

How can someone you loved be so mean to you?
What did I do to be treated like this?
Is loving someone a crime now?
Did i sign up for this when i said i LOVE you?
Is PROMISE just a word?
I guess they were made to be broken.
Life isn't always a fairytale.
Life can be cruel and all you can do is keep living.
I admit that i was wrong for being insecure and jealous.
But isn't that what couples do?
They learn to love and grow each other and get pass it.
There's no such thing as a perfect BF or a perfect GF.
No ones perfect.
Everyone will have there mistakes and flaws.
The only thing they can do is fix the mistakes and
work out their issues.
Its simple.
People just need to look past them and see the NEW you.
But how can you do that if they don't give you a chance?
They just go back to the past and hold a grudge?
Is LOVE just a word to say and play around with?
Does it not mean anything anymore?
I thought love was suppose to be kind and not rude?
How can you lose LOVE?
Is it that easy to just throw away and forget?
So many questions on my head in my head that needs some answers.

anticipation

how do you fix a love undone? how you even know if u fit to love someone, and when you decide to take that ride, can you drive on the passenger side? one wheel in the middle, 4 hands on it, 2 sets of brakes you decide to slam on it. god damn women were the love go? -trey songz

GOOD day today.
- Church.
- Seen a GORGEOUS girl.
She was wearing a charcoal gray and black dress/purplish cardigan sweater.
Brown highlights in her hair. Best word to describe her.
"GORGEOUS"
- Ate AppleBees with the BROS.
-Nice talking to HERRR=)
-Wish we can finally just hangout and just chill. No tensions.
Just wanna CHILL. miss those good ol' days.
- Took a nice nap.
-Played basketball at J.Rs house.
-Heard gunshots and almost got shot at Longspur.

Sunday.

Getting ready for church listening to Maxwell.
Goin to church with the Christian.
Then shoppin. MAYBE? haha

ill be ready.

If she ever does come back to me.
I'll be ready. She'll have the guy
she deserves and know i can be.
i just gotta let god hold my faith.
Just keep praying and growing.
So if the day does come then we would make
it last and not regret anything.
But if it doesn't come then I dont know.
Just thank her for the experience and time
we had? I dont know? but ima think positive things.
No more jealousy and no more insecurities and better
TRUST foundation.

Decisions

So i decided to let it go.
They say "If you really love someone then you have to let em go"Im not gonna it kinda
feels good to let go. Cause it gives me closure and shows
how much I love her.
Im just glad she's happy right now.
She's doing her own thing and being MISS INDEPENDENT. Im proud of her.
She'll always have a place in my heart.

Ouch.

No kinda love tonight. I thought things were cool
between us. Guess not. I dont know what to do.
To move on? or to wait and be patient?
Im so lost right now.

So today I went to church at 1030. Got out and before
I drove home I stopped by HERRR=) car and put a rose
on the windshield. I thought it woulda put a smile on her face
today, prolly needed one.
But not even a thank you from her. I even apologize for doing itand all
she said was "its ok, it was nice". I guess thats good enough
cause i cant ask for too much. Then I text her "Good night"
and i got no love back. "REJECTED"
Really though I don't know what to do. I've been praying
everyday and every night that god gives me a sign or just
help me move on. Maybe he already gave me a sign but I'm
just not seeing it.
They say "If you really LOVE someone then keep fighting for it."
But sometimes it feels like its not worth it.

I just want to thank her for the break up. The break up was a
good idea, because it helped me realized what i was doing. It
also helped me learn and grow. I was stupid and blind to
see that i had something special. But i fucked up I know i fucked up,
I admit I fucked up. But everybody fucks up.
Now I'm here thinking about what could of been.
I messed up a blessing.
But now she's gone and there aint no telling if she's coming back.
All I can do is be patient and wait.
I just hope she's knows that I'm really sorry for the way i treated her and
acted.
I promise that If I do get that chance to be with her again then it would be different,
much different.
No more insecurities, a better TRUST foundation and a BETTERMAN.
But its probably too late.
Well that is all for now. Probably write more about how i feel
tomorrow.

July 4th 2008

"Insecurity is the leading cause of death in a relationship."

SET.

SETTING GOALS.

-FOCUS on school. nothing lower than a B.

-SAVE money. cut back on eating out.

-GET my mindset. no more F*ckin up.

-BE a better MAN. time to MATURE.

-GO to church. EVERY SUNDAY.NO EXCUSE.

-PRAY.


yeah that sounds bout right.

nobody knows it but me

How blue can I get?
You could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
Billion words couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now you know I'll be loving you still